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Listen Up

TheAdv3

I just did this thing for my friend’s new band. Use your ears to listen to them. Kazoos are employed.

https://soundcloud.com/thadventuresof-bert-henry

On another note, Little-Known Facts is on a hiatus until the new year. I’ll be away from home for Christmas, and too busy to do them. Glasses will still be up on Thursdays.

Also, many thanks to anyone who’s viewed, liked or shared these comics and my facebook page. You’re the cat’s whiskers. Happy Christmas all of you. Especially you. Yes, you.

Stay dangerous.

OXO

2

And Now A Word From Our Sponsors

They're nice.

[From the ‘Learn more about us!’ page of the Skylarker website]

When it was first founded in 1981 by Edwin Twick II, an entrepreneurial ham radio enthusiast in his late thirties, Skylarker Inc. – far from being the globe-spanning leader in applied neuroacoustic research that it is today – was simply a family-run enterprise specialising in the design and manufacture of a range of baby monitors! Can you believe it? Yes! It is true!

In its early years, the company performed exceptionally as our monitors flew rapidly from shelves, quickly becoming the second-largest supplier in the United Kingdom. Who knows – maybe you yourself were once watched over by one of our sturdy, user-friendly products! The boom afforded Edwin and his family a fine living, but it was the summer of 1983 that would become a landmark in the history of Skylarker Inc, for shortly after the launch of the long-range Easecomm™ product line, letters began to arrive – a trickle at first, but later numbering in the thousands – at the factory doorstep. Each and every one from delighted parents around the world! The first one is framed and hangs proudly in our boardroom to this very day in order  to spur us on our ongoing way toward excellence moving forward into the future proactively. Read for yourself a short extract:

“Dear Mr. Twick, I feel I really must write to thank you personally for your wonderous invention! I refer of course to the ‘Easecomm™’ baby monitor which myself and my husband have recently purchased. Our young son Vinnie has always been such trouble to us – constantly moving around, trying to talk and make marks on paper and so on, yet we have found that when he’s placed in a room with your miracle device and its low, barely audible hum, this infuriating behaviour ceases immediately! It is replaced by a look of placid calm and little more than a soft gurgle as he happily stares at his colourful mobile for hour after blissful hour…”

After much vigorous research by Edwin and his team, it was discovered that – as well as as providing the quality assurance and peace of mind that Skylarker Inc. is famous for – the Easecomm™ units emitted a powerful, oscillating sine wave that acts beneficently on certain centres of white matter deep in the infant brain. Such an important breakthrough did not go unnoticed by the scientific community, and with the sponsorship and funding of several interested parties, the testing was expanded upon to include groups of all ages and select social backgrounds. The results of those groundbreaking studies showed – with minute adjustments to the waveform – markedly reduced levels of wilfulness, combative behaviour, and emotional variance, as well as a significantly heightened enjoyment of simple, repetitive tasks in the vast majority of test subjects.

Fast-forward to twenty years later and the benefits of that research are everywhere! You can see our emitters standing sentinel in any number of locations across the globe: in prisons, third-world factories, unemployment offices, even some of the lowest performing state schools! We are also pleased to announce our entry into partnership with several mainland UK councils, so when cheerfully leaving a high street chain pub with your friends or work colleagues in the early hours, the chances are you may soon feel Skylarker Inc.’s unobtrusive technology keeping you safe from yourself!

And yes, we still make baby monitors!

Ruth Loveless, Head of PR – Skylarker Inc.

In memory Edwin Twick 1948 - 2002

In memory
Edwin Twick
1943 – 2002

2

Ho Ho Ho

Normalcats.

Normal. Normal. Normal. Normalcats HO!

Normalcats are on the move, normalcats are loose.

See the sleeping, feel the paws, normalcats are loose.

Normal, normal, normal, normal-CATS! <guitar fill>

Normal, normal, normal, normal-CATS! <guitar fill>

Normal, normal, normal, normal-CATS! <guitar fill>

Normal, normal, normal, normal-CATS!

Siiiiiiigh.

Normalcats.

4

I Done A Wrong

Sadface on my face. What should have been today’s Little-Known Fact is taking longer to ink than I anticipated. Blame it on its eight-panel format. Blame it on its slightly higher-than-average level of detail. Blame it on my shit, slow hands.

While I was working on it though, I thought up <Digital Comic Replacement Service #01> and slapped it together in half an hour. Think of it as an exciting teaser trailer such as you might see at those new moving picture shows, rather than an episode of gross incompetence.

*edit:  12/11/13 – In a magnificent example of failure, I also managed to misspell ‘Caeser’ and had to replace the replacement comic earlier today.

*edit 2: 12/11/13 – I just did it again. Caesar! Fucking Caesar!

Fact.

Fact.

Stay with me here.

OXO

3

A Fantastic Idea For A Television Programme

The Outsider Police Helper – An unconventional New Jersey police task-force investigates a series of gruesome murders with the aid of Lawrence Eggbester, a grizzled Hindu swami. retired big cat wrangler. spectral 1900’s strongman. terrier. sentient mobile telephone. Greek deity trapped in mortal form. tall child’s imaginary friend. tough, uncompromising beekeeper. really nice guy who’s just going through some stuff right now. gigantic amoeba. lord of dance. fiercely heterophobic homeless man. telekinetic horse.

Now Lawrence! The ladder!” – that’s the kind of taut, punchy dialogue people want. Also, “We got no time for a saddle.” “He’s already wearing it, sarge!…but how did-?” “COME ON!” [smash cut to-]

Stay dangerous.

OXO

7

Not A Lot Of People Know Facts

Something about doors.

Something about doors.

Surprisingly, this page is getting more views than I thought it would (ie: more than none), so I’m stepping it up to two posts per standard Earth week. Glasses will continue to update on Thursdays, and on Mondays, a different series called Little-Known Facts will be there to educate and inform. The facts contained therein are related to me during deep REM sleep by my spirit animal, Michael Caine. He appears majestically each night in the form of a chimera; a stunning beast with the body of a lemur and the head of a swan. He does not speak as such, but I know for certain it’s the award-winning actor because of his unmistakably powerful bearing and highly dexterous forelimbs.

Other comics that might appear on non-specific days may or may not include: The Auditing of Edgar Hume, The Normal Events of Generic Bear, Catcat and BGDA Shorts.

Stay dangerous.

OXO

5

All Your Fate Are Belong To Us

"Shoot the crenellations!" "What are crenellations?!" "Up there! Up there!" "Aghh it's dropping skeletons!"

“Shoot the crenellations!” “What are crenellations?!” “Up there! Up there!” “Ahhh it’s dropping skeletons!” “Ahhhh!”

It’s Hallowe’en-e’en, so yesterday I scoured my drive for something vaguely appropriate and turned up this happy fellow, whom I’ve cleaned up a bit with a dab of spit and a handkerchief in case the neighbours think my work is poor. Last year, the makers of an MMORPG called Rift issued a design challenge to come up with a concept for a level-boss that summed up the theme ‘Death’. I think the prize they offered was something like a pat on the head and a nice biscuit. I mean a really nice biscuit though – one of those ones that invitingly recline flat in their packaging in sexy, engaging groups of two or three, as opposed to being all crammed up face to bum together like sad commuters. But I digestive…

I figured that most entrants would go for a variation on the traditional wispy shroud and skull thing, so I came up with a kind of massive armour-wearing insectoid knight that rears up through a ruined church, wearing it as a sort of jaunty hat. I was playing Bayonetta quite a lot at the time – there’s a lot of weird shit like that in that game.

I scribbled it down and then promptly forgot about finishing it and entering. I think most of my attention at that point was focused on watching back-to-back episodes of Fringe. You should watch Fringe. It’s fucking brilliant.

Stay dangerous.

OXO

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Catfood Cupcakes, Bitches!

So yeah, here’s the webcomic I’ve been mumbling at disinterested friends about for ages. Apologies for the ads and extra guff that might appear on the page – one day I might pay hot cash money for this service and maybe they’ll go away. Will they? I have absolutely no idea, I’ve never done this before. Anyway, I’ll update the comic every Thursday from this point on and occasionally use this bit to add other eyebother like this vision of a future that is definitely barrelling inexorably toward you and everyone you care about:

Every scrap of spoiled food looted from a defeated enemy faction's smouldering compound helps.

Every scrap of spoiled food recovered from a defeated enemy faction’s smouldering compound helps.

Until next time then. Stay dangerous.

OXO